By: It's me again! Still not sure who I am? Heres a third hint. I'd wish I was a unicorn or a crow, but my mind is already both magical and dark.
TAPE 1: Five months before Cupcakes
Pinkie: (on phone) Don't worry, Mrs. Mayor. Everything is going as planned... I Pinkie promise you.
Mayor: It's not that I don't trust you, Pinkamena. It's just.... it's just the headaches. The pain. They come all the time now.
Pinkie: Continue to take the sleeping pills.
Pinkie: It is late, Mrs. Mayor. You are tired. You need your sleep.
Mayor: Of course. I need my sleep
Pinkie: You will hang up now.
Mayor: I will hang up now. (ends phone call)
Pinkie: Party pooper.
Archaic: I couldn't have said it better myself!
Pinkie: What?! Who's hiding in here!
Archaic: Oh I'm not in your basement.... and please don't insult me by attempting to trace this broadcast. You will fail.
Pinkie: Let me guess who you! Hmmm.... is it Gilda! Or is it Corey Archaic.
Archaic: Do you know anyone elese in this twisted city who is genius enough to arrange this little chat.
Pinkie: Smarty Pants - always trying to prove your smarter than everypony else - and really likes riddles. Kinda sounds like me!
Archaic: You've read my file!
Pinkie: Of course silly!
Archaic:Good. Then let's get started. How do you attempt to understanf what's going on in Ponyville when all the questions are Pink?
Tape 2: Four months before cupcakes
Archaic: Good evening, Pinkie. I believe it's time for our one on one tea party.
Pinkie: No. It is time you just show yourself and come down here. I will find where your hiding and when I do I'll give you a very special party.
Archaic: Party? Oh, you mean what you did to all those poor fools in town. To be honest, I think you did them a favor.
Pinkie: How do you.....?
Archaic: How do I know that you requested acess to all the most... forgettable residents and proceeded to kill and bake them into pastries, specifically cupcakes? Or did you mean, how do I know that you've been raising the Mayors number, no doubt rendering her more suggestible. Or maybe you are currently wondering if I know about the secret panel in your closet. How it slides back to reveal what you want most. How you sit, looking at those photos, crying into your hooves as you question whether you are really worthy.
Pinkie: What do you want Archaicy?
Archaic: Oh, that's easy. I want exactly what you want.
Pinkie: Oh, and what's that?
Archaic: Ponies. Dead. Humilated and eaten: But dead.
Tape 3: two months before Cupcakes
Archaic: Knock, knock, Pinkie. Guess who?
Pinkie: I'm starting to get bored with these talks, Corey. If you wish to talk to me, you will be safely be escorted to Sugarcube Corners.
Archaic: Please, Pinkie. If you're going to set a trap, at least pretend to try harder than that.
Pinkie:No traps, Corey. I simply wish to grant you a safe passage through the city. I think it's time that you meet my assistant.
Archaic: You, Pinkie? An assistant? I am the creature whose sole cunning will have Ponyville at my feet, bloodied and broken
Pinkie: Really? My appologies, Corey. I know see that you should come over.
Pinkie: You see, like me you love to play games. But unlike me, you don't see the importance of co-operation. The deal's off.
Tape 5: 1 months after Cupcakes
Pinkie: Hello? Is this Twilight, Applejack,Rarity, or is it spike?
Archaic: None of the above, Pinkie. How's the asylum? Is it all giggles and laughs there.
Pinkie: How did you...
Archaic: ... get a phone call through my lines and into the looney bin. That doesn't matter. I've got three things to tell you.
Pinkie: What are they?
Archaic: First, Gummy's doing well. But he does miss you alot. Second, guess who's moving in with you and your assistant.
Pinkie: What do you mean?
Archaic: I'll tell you later. Finally, you know how you killed Rainbow, the Mayor, and tortured Rarity? Well well, April Fools.
Pinkie: How did you do it?
Archaic: I'll tell you in the Big House. Now about me coming over. I 'arranged' to be left in that asylum with you and Apple Bloom for quite a couple of parties. In fact, they should be here any minute. Gummy can't wait to see you.
Guard 1: (bashing on the door) Open up Archaic! We know your in there!
(Door breaks open)
Guard 2: Dear Celestia, what in the world happened here?
Guard 1: Put your arms in the air Archaic!
Archaic: Goodbye. See you soon.
Guard 1: Who are you talking to!
Archaic: No one, now goodbye and see you soon Pinkie Pie.
Guard 1: Dear Celestia help us! Get on the ground!
Archaic: (ends phone call)